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Friendship on hold

16th Apr 2022

To my friend,

for so many reasons we have grown apart. It doesn't matter where the mistake was made. That's not the point. I don't care what happened between us. Friendship doesn't charge. Whatever you did doesn't matter. In the end, none of this matters, because, whether justified or not, I too have some things to answer for.

I'm sorry for not keeping in touch. Sitting in front of your phone and feeling overwhelmed just thinking about it can be awful. But that is no reason to neglect one's friends. I'm sorry that I don't know what's going on in your life, that I don't know how you're doing and what you're doing.

Sure, you think about many things differently than I do. We have simply been influenced differently. But does that mean we can allow that to destroy a long lasting friendship? Even if society confuses tolerance with acceptance, that doesn't mean we have to do the same, does it? We may not be able to tolerate all things, but surely we can still accept everyone.

I'm sorry that I don't understand you. I'm sorry that I share your views. But most of all, I'm sorry that I so obviously can't accept you. I want to, and am willing to learn, but I can't; at this rate.

I am sorry that I could not support you. Who knows what you've been through. Obviously, I don't. The promises I made to you I could not keep. I'm sorry that I couldn't provide you with help, that I could never be there when you needed it and left you alone.

My last years were hell. Nothing I have dealt with in my life has worked out. Job, family, hobby, relationship. Over time I have piled up a mountain that I am no longer capable of climbing. I am an emotional and mental wreck.

I am sorry that I only thought about myself. My psyche is completely destroyed. Every day is exhausting for me and it starts with just getting up. But this should not be an excuse to put me and my problems above yours. I have not forgotten you, but how should it seem different when it is only about me?

Does it make any difference? No. Because no matter how much I want to, the situation will not change. I can't reach out to you. I want to so much, but my condition does not allow to. But even though that's not an excuse, I can't change that.

In the end, you are an important part of my life. Even if I don't act that out currently, I hope that will change sometime in the future. Until then, I will remain your friend, even though from a distance, in my thoughts, every day, with you.

Spruch der Woche

2022 - 13

Dies ist ein Platzhalter. Keine Macht den Brotkrumen!

Quote of the week

2022 - 13

This is a placeholder. No power to the breadcrumbs!